


Voldemort the Horrible Dark Lord

by USMCcAnthem



Series: The best Dark Lords are... [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/USMCcAnthem/pseuds/USMCcAnthem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Hermione have a chat in the common room about how Harry thinks Voldemort is a bad Dark Lord. Why does he think that? Well, you have to read to find out! No Pairings! One-shot! Complete!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voldemort the Horrible Dark Lord

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter..._

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"Voldemort was a horrible Dark Lord," Harry stated randomly as he and Hermione sat in the eighth year common room.

Hermione turned to look at him "Why would you even say such a thing? He killed so many people!" She shouted.

"Yeah, yeah," he waved as he put down his potions text to give her his full attention. "Seriously though, he wasn't very successful. Sure he killed a whole bunch of people, but that was more his followers."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, and the fact that he had followers obviously shows that he was a good Dark Lord." She questioned the fact that she was arguing for Voldemort.

"But most of them were just cannon fodder," Harry rationalized. "And the rest were in and out of prison so often it's amazing that their families still have any money."

Hermione sighed and decided to hear Harry out. "Fine, will you tell me why you think that Voldemort was a terrible Dark Lord."

Harry smirked, "I will." Hermione shifted so that she was facing Harry and gave him her full attention. "Voldemort, Riddle, was best known for being a Slytherin, his heir in fact." Hermione nodded. "However, he wasn't exactly cunning, charming yes, but not cunning. I mean he totally just announced to everyone he was a dark wizard in Hogwarts, by having that blasted acronym. Then when he decided to act on his ambition – and I do admit that he was ambitious – he was in your face. It was all, BAM," Hermione jumped, "I kill and torture you all Mwahaha!"

"Nice evil laugh," she complimented drily.

"Thanks," Harry said sarcastically before continuing on his rant. "Now I understand that it was very "Dark Lord" like behavior, but any first year could tell you that all Dark Lords have fallen, while the Light basically runs the wizarding world. So, if he really wanted to have all the muggleborns and half bloods dead with him as ruler, he really should've gone about it another way.

"The best way would be to integrate yourself as a barely above average wizard, or witch; just enough to stand out in a crowd, but not enough to draw the eyes of everyone. Then you would become friendly, or at least neutral, with everyone; making yourself seem easy to manipulate, while still firm. After you've done that you need to find your power base: the Ministry, the papers, or the school. After you've picked a base – let's say the Ministry as it's the most obvious – you make your way to the top while gaining a good background of fairness and excellent work.

"That stage takes the longest amount of time, but if you happen to have made a Horcrux," Hermione gasped in outrage at the word. "Yes, a horcrux. I've researched them a good bit and found out that you don't actually need to kill someone to make it. What it really needs is for the intent to take a part of your soul and put it in a container. Besides, if killing really did split your soul, then Aurors would be just as bad as Dark Wizards; wouldn't they?" Harry smirked when he saw the realization on her face. "Yes, well let's go back to the topic. As I was saying, you would have a Horcrux with the lovely use of aging potions." When she looked puzzled, he explained, "Aging potions do not de-age you, but alter your looks to appear younger. It would only be advisable for an immortal person to use such a potion, otherwise it would be useless." He laughed at the amazed expression she shot him "I can be smart you know."

Hermione huffed, "Well you certainly don't act like it half the time."

He rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Can I continue now? Yes, well with the use of aging potions you would be able to gain an edge against others, especially if you're attractive. With everything else going for you, and you semi-averageness to keep others from worrying about you, it would be easy to become Minister. And then you would begin changing laws, all in subtle and fine-print kind of ways. And that's it really."Harry finished as she looked at him incredulously.

"That's it?" Hermione asked. "Nothing more?"

"Well, you could do anything from there," Harry told her. "It's just that I think that the best Dark Lord is the one nobody knows about."

"Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully. "I can see your point."

He smirked mischievously, "I think that Dumbledore would've done well. He had all the powerful positions with everyone looking up to him as some sort of god. The guy to could do no wrong, even Sirius worshiped him even though it was Dumbledore's fault he didn't get a trial. Hell, even Fudge would've been a good Dark Lord if he hadn't bungled it in the end. He couldn't have been as stupid and naïve as everyone perceived him to be; he wouldn't have been Minister if he had."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him "You were setting this up just to say that weren't you?"

Harry nodded.

"You're so annoying," Hermione said with a sigh. She turned back to her work and told him sternly, "Now get back to work before you have to do seventh year all over again."

Harry glared at the crown of her head before going back to his Potions homework. However he couldn't stop himself from mumbling, "I bet Ron would make a good Dark Lord, what with not coming back with us for his final year. No one will take him seriously." He wished he could light his book on fire, "I'm jealous, I could never be a Dark Lord."

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**Author's Note:**

Have you ever had this conversation before? I'm pretty sure I have, with someone or other. However, I wrote this because it just kind of popped out my head while I was trying to write this little fluffy scene in another fic. But I digress, it was fun and quick to write, so here you have it.

Question: What type of Dark Lord do you prefer? The Murderous Ones? The Political Ones? The Ones You Never Realized Were There?

Review and let me know what you think,

USMCcAnthem


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